reminders for my love.
Hi hayati, I‘ve decided to write you something again because..... well, you deserve it + you know I’d do anything to make you smile. This one might be a lil short compared to the rest but I just want you to get your mind off things for a few minutes and have something that cheers you up a little. I know you’ve been busy with uni and I just wanna expres how proud I am of all the things you’ve accomplished so far. You put so much work and dedication into your future and you should give yourself credit for doing so. Uni is not easy at all, but you’re doing it like a pro. You’re killing it. It’s like you’ve been doing this your whole life, my baby is so intelligent. You don’t know how badly I want you to have the future you always dreamt of and the career you worked so hard for. I just want you to be happy, in all aspects of life. I know you’ll get there because hard work never goes to waste. I can only imagine how draining it can be to constantly maintain the will power to keep studying without giving up, so imma motivate you a lil bit okay? okay. So now, imagine you’ve graduated and found a job that pays well. Celebrating your graduation with your family and finally holding that certificate in your hand so you can frame it and hang it on your wall once you get home. Do you know how proud I’d be knowing my baby finally graduated? I’d deadass cry for you, that’s how happy I’ll be. Imagine two or three years from now, you’re finally done w uni, found a job and when the time is right we’ll meet and see one another for the first time. I’d scream like a crazy bitch, run up to you, squeeze the shit of you, give you a lil kiss on your lips right before telling you how much I love you. And of course, you’re gonna make some joke that will piss me off and I’ll most likely threaten to stab you, but that’s okay because we’re used to that aren’t we? Imagine us getting married, buying our first home and welcoming our first baby into the world. I wanna experience all of that with you, every step of the way. The first time finding out I’m pregnant, the first kick, the first kiss you’ll put on my belly and the first time you’ll talk to the baby thinking he can hear you through my stomach lmfao. I can’t wait to have mini versions of you running around the house and stressing me out and you teaching them how to get on mama’s nerves even more. But it’ll be all worth it because I get to experience all those things with my soulmate. With you. I can’t wait to finally hold you in my arms and to share my heart, soul and my life with you. I love you, I really do. More than I could ever imagine being capable of loving someone. I hold you more dear to me than anything in this world. I hope you never forget that.
Long story short, I am more proud than I could ever express nor put into words and I can’t wait till the day I get to call you my husband.
The first thing I ever wrote you.
Who would’ve thought me answering to a stranger’s dm would lead me to find my soulmate. None of this feels real to me still. I feel like I’m dreaming. I’m staring at my screen right now because I can’t even find the right words to describe what I feel. Mubeen, you’ve changed something in me. It’s like you’ve erased all the hurt from my heart. It’s like you’ve healed all my scars and wounds. You’ve healed wounds I didn’t even know were still bleeding. Wounds I didn’t even know I had. You’ve taken all my pain away. You’ve brought me so much peace and comfort. And if I were to tell anyone that my years of pain just disappeared in a blink of an eye, thanks to one single person.. they wouldn’t believe me. And I wouldn’t blame them, because I can’t even believe it myself. You are the biggest blessing in my life. And I mean that from my heart. It’s like, I was in the deepest and darkest pits of a well. And just when I thought I’d never get out, Allah decided to send me an angel to give me the strength to climb up again. You’re that angel for me. You’re my strength. You’re my miracle. You make me forget about every single thing that used to torment my mind. You’ve brought me so much happiness. Before you, I didn’t have any desire to try and I didn’t have any fight left in me. I was so close to give up and let the pain and hurt take over. I felt so numb. You’ve brought color back into my life. You really brought my heart back to life. I just know for a fact, that you’ve been sent into my life for a specific reason. For a specific purpose. All the prayers I made all these years, they brought me to you. I felt like my prayers weren’t getting answered at first but I kept being patient despite how hard it was. And now I see that it was just a matter of time. I guess Allah was just collecting all my prayers and handing them over to me in the form of a single person. It was worth the years of wait. I just want you to know how much you’ve helped me without even realising it yourself. I want you to know that there’s not one single thing on this earth I hold more dear than you. There’s not one single thing in my life, that I love more than I love you. and it’s crazy to make these statements while we haven’t even known eachother for that long, but I’ve never been more sure and certain of using these words. I love you. I love you with everything I have. Every single part of me, every single inch of my heart is in love with you. And sometimes the love I have for you gets so intense to the point I can’t help but cry. Tears of love. I will never ever take you for granted. Never in my life. Not for a single second. I will do everything in my power to protect your heart. I know people have hurt you in the past, I know you’ve been treated unfairly and I also know there might be things you can’t get past and somehow still find to blame yourself for. I want to get rid of all that for you. I want to show you what you truly deserve. Maybe it won’t happen overnight, but I’m here to stay. So even if it would take me years to cleanse your heart from every single thing you’ve endured, I won’t hesitate to put all my time and effort in it. I won’t ever get tired of it. I’ve literally made it my life mission to make you the happiest man on earth. I want to bring ease and peace into your heart. To take care of your soul. To love you right. I want to love you more than you can imagine, I want to heal you with my love. I want to clear your mind, to kiss your scars, to glue the lost pieces of your heart back together. All I want is for you to see and realise how good and amazing of a person you are. I know you don’t see it yourself sometimes, but I’ll remind you everyday. I want you to realise how worthy you are of every good thing this world has to offer. I want to support you in all your dreams, may it be football, school, career wise etc. I want to push you every day until you get to where you want to be. I want to show you that nothing is impossible in this life as long as I’m by your side. You won’t ever have to go through anything on your own, ever. Like I’ve told you once before, you’re a part of me now and everything you feel, I start feeling too. I can’t be okay if you’re not. Your problems are mine, your struggles are mine too and so is your pain. Whatever you go through, I go through. So we’re in this together till forever and beyond. We’re a team, remember? I can’t wait to grow with you and look back at were we started together. I can’t wait to tell our kids about a true love story. Our story. I want to set the best example for them so they have the right perception of love and don’t settle for less. I want to spend my entire life with you by my side. I don’t want to live a second without you. Sometimes I can’t even remember what my days where like before you became a part of my life. I literally cannot imagine my life without you mubeen. My world will crumble if I ever lost you. I’ve always been the one to make sure I don’t get too attached and dependent on another person. But for the first time in my life, I’m not scared. I trust you with my eyes closed. I want to have you with me forever and take care of you. That’s all I want for you. That’s all I want in this life. For you to be happy, in all aspects. And I’ll make sure you get there. I love you hayati.
You’ll get through it.
You know, it’s not easy to still be here whilst your mind doesn’t want to. It’s like an everyday struggle between your mind and body, but you still haven’t given up to this day. So what does that say? I’ll tell you what I think. To me, it says you’re stronger than any person could say they are. It says you’ve made the choice to fight and win this battle, the same battle many have given up on. It says you’re going to heal one day and these thoughts will only be something from the past. One day they’ll become a memory. Just a memory and not a thought. You know what else? It shows you’re meant to have a future. You, refusing to give up, means there will come a day where you’ll be at your happiest and from that day on, everything will change for you. You may not believe this right now, because you may not believe in yourself or your healing. But I do believe in you. I always will believe in my Mubeen. Because my baby is strong and he can get through anything. And maybe that’s why I’m in your life yk? Maybe you just need that one person in your life who will keep pushing you and hold your hand through everything. I’m going to tell you something and it might sound odd at first but hear me out. I feel like Allah really loves you. Like extremely much. Of course he loves all of his creations, but there’s some people he loves more than others and I believe you’re one of them. Now, you’re probably wondering why I’d even think that. Well, in the Quran it says Allah tests the people he loves the most. Every pain is a way to test you, a way to erase your sins or a way to give you extra good deeds and most importantly, a way to strengthen your faith. Emotional pain is one of those hidden blessings, it will hurt for a while but you’ll get rewarded for your strength in the end. Sometimes it feels never ending, but even if it feels like forever, I won’t leave your side till the day it ends. Because you’re my forever and I’m yours, remember? Maybe the pain will feel less heavy, if you let me carry it with you instead of you carrying it all on your own. Going back to my story, from all those people, he chose you. He wouldn’t put you through this, if He knew you couldn’t handle it. He only puts us through things he knows are within our ability to carry it. So now you’ve got two support systems. Allah and me. So even if it might feel lonely at times, please remember you’ll never be alone. Because I’ll always be there Mubeen, always. I love you so deeply, you know that by know. But my love and care for you goes so deep, it hurts my heart knowing you’re suffering from the inside. I can’t be happy when you’re not. I just want to see you smile and excited for life, that’s what you deserve. You’re always in my heart and thoughts. There’s not a single prayer, not a single dua that I make, where I don’t mention your name. InshAllah you’ll heal and you’ll be okay & when that day finally comes, you’ll be able to read this back and realise how far you’ve come. I’ll give you the biggest kiss on your forehead and I’ll tell you “See? we’ve made it through. I knew you were strong enough to overcome it.” It’ll be my proudest moment knowing you’ve won that battle with your mind. I won’t pressure nor push you to open up to me, even if it takes you a while to open up. It won’t change the fact that I’m still here to hold your hand and willing to take your pain with you, day by day, step by step. We’ll get to the end goal some day, I promise. Together. Just don’t let go of my hand and I promise to never let go of yours. I love you.
Some things you should never forget.
365 days with you.
Hi my baby. I can’t believe we made it to one year, who would’ve thought we’d go through so much together in the span of a year? Well, not me. When I first met you, I honestly did not even expect us to become such good friends or best friends at all, but look at us now. We’ve found friendship and even love, in one another. To even think a random dm would lead me to find my husband, it’s crazy to think about. That single decision for you to dm me and for me to reply, has literally changed both our lives for the better. We’ve both found the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with and I don’t think there’s anything more beautiful than that. We’ve been through a lot, more than anyone could ever imagine. More than any couple would ever last through. But we’ve made it. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been worth it and that’s all that matters in the end. I’d go through everything and anything with you. I would literally do it all over again, all the pain, all the tears and all the sleepless nights. I’d do it all over again, as long as I get to do it with you. There’s no other person I’d rather do it all with. I know that no matter what we go through, we’ll always find our way back to each other. We’ll never give up on one another. Through good and bad. Through laughter and tears. I wanna thank you for never giving up on me, no matter how difficult things were. You held on to me even when I pushed everyone and everything away, you never once let go of me. I love you so so so much. My heart can’t contain all the love I have for you and all that I feel for you, sometimes I’m surprised it hasn’t exploded yet. I just love you beyond measures. You’re the first guy I’ve ever loved. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. I can’t imagine how much more I’ll fall for you once I finally get to be with you in person. I can’t even imagine my love getting more profound and stronger than it already is now. I don’t know what you’ve done to me. I told you many times, I’ve felt numb before I met you. You’re the only thing that’s been able to make me feel again. It’s like you touched my heart and brought new life into it. You’re the only thing that keeps me going mubeen. You’re my strength and my purpose. You make me feel so safe, so at home and so protected.. my lil guardian angel fr. I promise to always do my best to make you feel just as loved and safe. I can’t wait to see how far we’ll get. We have a whole life planned ahead of us. There’s no one I’d rather do it with. My precious lil baby, you’re my everything. There’s so much of you in my heart, I think it’d be fair to say my whole heart belongs to you now. I love you more and more as the days go by. Every time I think I’ve reached the limit, I wake up the next day only to find my heart yearn for you even more than it did the night before. The feelings I have for you will never fade. If anything, they’ll get stronger as time goes by. I can’t imagine a life without you in it. You make me feel whole again. You’re my future. My meant to be. I promise to love you till eternity. To love you through anything. There’s nothing that could ever change my love for you. Thank you for making me smile so much this past year, for the endless laughters, the all nighters and convo’s till sun rise. For making me forget all the things that were messing with my head. For all the times you’ve listened to me and reassured me. For all the times you trusted me enough to open up to me. All the movie nights, even though we’d be too distracted by each other to even follow the movie. All the times you annoyed me, because let’s be real, that’s your favourite part out of all the things I just mentioned ksksjsjs. Thank you for everything houbi. I hope I’ve made you just as happy as you’ve made me this past year. I plan on doing it my whole life. I just want to see you happy. You’re the most amazing, selfless and beautiful person inside and out. I love you and your precious lil heart. I wish you were here so I could kiss your forehead and cute little cheeks. I love you more than life itself. My hayati. Happy one year baby. InshAllah many many many more years, where you get to annoy me and I get to threaten you, for the rest of our lives. Ek is lief vir jou. 🤍